Hello Knox College!

Thank you students, faculty, parents, and elderly relatives who have no idea who I am.

It is such an honor to be in the presence of hundreds of the sharpest young minds in the country -- all simultaneously updating their Twitter. Hashtag -- Humbled.

I feel a special kinship with all of you. As a graduate of Oberlin College in rural Ohio, I know a thing or two about small Midwestern schools. They somehow mix heartland American values of hard work, grit and determination with a burning curiosity, a progressive disposition and a genuine thirst for knowledge. And of course, terrible sports teams with totally embarrassing mascots.

The Prairie Fires? Seriously?

It's interesting. I just feel like if it was up to me to choose a team name I would probably start with animals -- your "bulls," your "jaguars" -- and then move on to natural disasters. With all due respect, "The Prairie Fires" sounds more like a Steinbeck novel than a team name. And honestly, not even a good Steinbeck novel. You need something that strikes fear into the hearts of the opposing team, not something that strikes fear into groundhogs. See? Right there: The Knox Groundhogs! That would be a way better mascot!